Firstly, I want to be helpful. Secondly, I wanted to raise funds for equine charities by suggesting any owner using a name from my ever-expanding list of possible names should donate £25 to an equine charity of their choice. Thirdly, I want to encourage owners to give their horses half-decent names as horse racing is a serious business with no need for frivolity.
Of course, as an owner of a horse in training he or she or ‘they’ when it comes to partnerships and syndicates have an absolute right to name a horse as suits them, if for no other reason than they are spending a huge amount of their hard-earned cash on the sport both you and I love. But do you really think Hashehadhisoatsyet is either a suitable or nice name for one of the Creator’s noblest of creatures? To the horse, no name a human gives it will be regarded as appropriate, at least we should assume that is the case. It is possible that animals have no need for individual names and can engage with one another by means we, poor humans that we are, could never understand. We might simply give each horse a registration number, yet choose to give them names that reflect the names of their parents or village, town or monument important to their owner or simply use random letters to make a word that is pronounceable if nonsensical. And my preference may be alien to someone else. The names of racehorses, to me, if no one else, is important, and anyway, no Derby winner has ever had a damn silly name and that should be enough reason for owners to give serious thought when they are applying for a name with Wetherbys. What annoys me most is when the name of a famous horse from the past is reused. I hate this. Classic winners and other major race winners have their names die with them, as does Grand National, Gold Cup and Champion Hurdle winners. But not so Hennessey or Royal Ascot winners, for example. I have asked without success for a cherished list of names be endorsed by the B.H.A. to add to the names that are already given preserved status. Horses with French or Arabic names annoy me, especially when English and French words are mashed together as in Illegal D’Ainey or Impact Du Bonheur. Then there are all the French names with the name of the breeders’ stud – Du Berlais, De Vassy, De Grugy, D’Oudairies and so on. As an ignoramus when it comes to understanding foreign languages and with a poor memory to boot, it makes trying to remember the names of winners of top races from the past almost impossible for me. Then there are the Arabic names. Yes, Shadwell and Godolphin are to be thanked and honoured for their mighty contribution to British and Irish horse racing and I do not wish for one moment for them to be anything other than successful – but this is Britain, not their homeland. In Saudi or the other Gulf States, Arabic names would be appropriate but over here those same names are tongue-twisters. We do not need to know how Emmaadd translates but we should at least be able to pronounce the word. Hosaamn, Muqinal, and Elnajmm likewise. I have just remembered, Rwenearlytheredad is another type of name I loathe. Embarrassingly for me, our greatest patron J.P. McManus is the worst perpetrator of the compound name that must be picked apart to be able to say the word correctly. The English language is vast, ever-expanding and with a rich history of words left in the wake of passing centuries. I would be the last to boast that all the names of my list would be acceptable. I would though be embarrassed if I have put up the name of a former famous horse, though I am pretty sure you would find the name Collector’s Item on the list and when my eye eventually falls upon it, it will be deleted. Because of the similarity of so many of the names of horses imported from France, I would like to have those names translated to English, especially if those horses are yet to see a racecourse. But then perhaps this is just me being xenophobic equine-style. I just wish racehorses would be given nice, sensible names and not be the butt of some in-joke by a human with no imagination or respect for the racehorse.
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