'fifty shades of hay'.

​As anyone who has read any of the pieces on this site will be aware, I believe the names given to horses should be respectful, literate and in no way silly or vulgar. The name of a racehorse might be the first port of call for anyone new to the sport. On the rare occasion the finish of a horse race – usually the Grand National, Cheltenham Gold Cup or Epsom Derby – appears on the national news, it is the name of the winning horse that comes before the name of the jockey, trainer or owner, except if the horse is owned by the Queen. Of course, no name Her Majesty has ever given to one of her horses has been anything less than charming and respectful, with many plain downright clever.
I have nothing but loathing for anyone who uses the name of a famous racehorse not protected by having won a classic or Grand National etc. If, for example, the name Spanish Steps if ever appears on a race-card again, I will hunt down the owner responsible and assault him/her with a cucumber or radish. Coolmore naming a lesser equine being after the great horse was the final straw for me; Sue Magnier, if it were she, she normally names the Coolmore youngsters, let herself down badly on that occasion. In fact, she let down all her forebears back to the time of Queen Anne.
Because of Sue Magnier, I have acquired an addiction that is proving as difficult to defeat as a druggie going a day with heroin, cocaine or glue. On this site there is a page dedicated to possible names for racehorses. I see potential names everywhere –the internet, newspapers, headlines, street and house names, history books, books on cloud formations and gemstones – it goes on. This is perhaps the reason I found David Ashforth’s ‘Fifty Shades of Hay’ such a joy to read. The names of racehorses, as I have said many times, are the key to memories of great races past. The names of racehorses are part and parcel of the history of this sport, the race-by-race building block to the day’s events, the form book, the racing history books. And David Ashforth, through thorough research, also educates the reader with the stories, if there be stories, of why a horse was named as he was.
Rupert of Hentzou, for example, was the dashing villain in ‘The Prisoner of Zenda’. If you cannot remember the opening verse to ‘Champion the Wonder Horse’ look no further than the opening chapter of this book. If you want a short pen sketch of all the horses given the name ‘Stiff Dick’ page 160 should be your destination.
The last name in the book is ‘It’s Over’ – the author is clever like that – won four races in Ireland. And to prove how clever Mr.Ashforth is in the ‘further reading section’ it is suggested that if you enjoyed ‘Fifty Shades of Hay’ you might like to seek out ‘The Urban Poor Law’, ‘The New Poor Law in the Nineteenth Century’ and ‘Records of Achievements in the Market Place’, scholarly books I would seek out if only to determine if his prose is as urbane and witty as when he has his racing hat on. He has written other books, apparently, but they are about horse racing and are not worth mentioning.
David Ashforth has suffered much illness and health scares in the latter years of his life, his troubles often documented in his now, sadly, occasional columns for the Racing Post, with his annual attempt at Christmas to win money for charitable causes through his exploits as tipster and small-scale gambler as good a deterrent to anyone foolish enough to believe the modern-day bookmaker is a foe easily taken down. Ashforth sometimes wins, though often he loses and his readers feel his pain as we all love a plucky underdog giving it a jolly good go.
This book should be on the shelves of anyone fortunate enough to be in a position where they have the honour to name a racehorse. It is something I long to do but never shall. It is a responsibility naming a racehorse, especially if it is bred in the purple and might highlight his owner’s life by winning a classic horse race. The English language is broad and ever-expanding; possible names are endless even with all the names the B.H.A.’s have placed on its protected and barred list. You will not be allowed ‘Battleship’, for instance, but you can translate into French, German, Italian, or any language of your choice. You could, if you keep to the 18 characters, have a horse called ‘Persian Punch’ if you find the Persian word for Persian and the Persian word for Punch. Or Golden Miller, Monksfield or Red Rum.
With imagination it is easier to name a horse than you or the B.H.A. believe.
My copy, which I bought from Ways of Newmarket, came with cut-outs from the Racing Post of reviews of ‘Fifty Shades of Hay’, which on the reverse side had two photos of Bryony Frost, a rider and young lady this old bloke adores and admires. It might have influenced my opinion of this book. It didn’t.